Chapter 8

Matt

On the way home from Orland Square, Brian had just asked Matt if he was gay.

Matt responded with a question, “What do you think?” He tried to catch a glimpse of the boy as he watched the traffic. Brian was clearly uncomfortable.

He didn’t know how to respond. He was afraid of making Matt angry or hurting his feelings. Especially after he had just been so generous. But, on the other hand, maybe Matt was testing him, looking for the most honest answer.

“Maybe that wasn’t the best question,” Matt conceded. “Let me ask you this. Would it matter?”

“No,” the boy answered, almost too quickly.

“Then the answer is yes.”

Brian was silent almost the rest of the ride. Matt kept glancing over at him in the hopes he could read a reaction from his facial expression. There was none.

They were well into Park Forest when Brian mumbled, “So am I.”

“What?” Matt asked, although he was certain he had heard the boy. Matt just wanted confirmation.

“So am I.”

“I know.”

“How?”

“The same way you knew about me. Gaydar.” It was a guess on Matt’s part. Matt knew his own gaydar was fully functional by junior high.

Brian threw his head back and laughed. “Gaydar. That’s funny, Matt. Gaydar.”

Matt smiled and shrugged. “I wish I had invented the term.”

The ice had been broken.


When they got back to the townhouse, Matt opened the topic once more.

“I’m new at parenting. And I’m going to make mistakes. Some rules we’re going to have to make up as we go along.”

“Cool,” Brian replied.

“Here’s the first one. We can never discuss each other’s sexuality without the other’s permission. That is, I can’t tell anyone about you, and you can’t tell anyone about me unless the other knows about it first. You can tell anyone you like about yourself, though. It’s going to save both of us a lot of hassle. Agreed?”

Brian smiled. “Agreed.”

“I’d like you to come back next weekend.”

“I’d like that, too.”


They had a pleasant day. Brian was full of questions, some about Matt’s past, some about being gay in general, some about Matt’s likes and dislikes. Matt answered most of them, but reserved the right to take the Fifth Amendment on a few questions. Mat was not perfect by any means, but that didn’t mean that he had to discuss all his mistakes with Brian.

That evening after dinner, Matt drove Brian back to St. Luke’s. Matt and Brian strode to Bill’s office.

“How’d it go?”

“Very well,” Matt responded.

“Good.” Brian said, almost in unison.

“Brian, I think you’re expected in Sears,” Bill said, dismissing the boy. Brian turned to Matt and shook his hand.

“Thanks. I had fun.”

“You’re welcome. Brian. I enjoyed having you.”

After Brian had left the office, Bill motioned to the wing chair. “Sit, Matt. So how did it really go?”

“It went very well. He was the perfect guest, a real gentleman. Not very talkative, though. Still, I feel relieved. I didn’t even have a beer the whole time he was there. I guess I wanted to set a good example.” Matt omitted the fact that he had shown an R-rated movie.

“That’s good, Matt. You wouldn’t believe what some of the foster homes are like. Some foster parents take a kid only for the monthly check from the state. So, he’s coming nest weekend. Do you really want him, or do you feel obligated?”

“No, I don’t feel obligated,” Matt answered honestly. “I’d be glad to have him.”

“Well, there’s only two more weeks until they all go to camp anyway. Unless, of course, you want to take him for the summer.”

“No, I can’t. There won’t be any supervision. I don’t know him well enough to leave him all day while I’m at work.”

“Of course, I understand. You know we close down campus for the month of July. Maybe he could spend the first session at camp, then come back and spend weekends again with you.” Camp Homewood had two summer sessions. Each was four weeks long with Changeover Day occurring the third Friday in July. The majority of campers stayed at camp for both sessions.

For the first month, the last week of June and the first three weeks of July, the main campus closed completely, The houseparents took a much-needed respite from the job of caring for children. Some traveled, visited family or looked for new jobs.

The campus itself took a break as well. Major maintenance was done during this time. Plumbing and electrical work, painting and carpentry repairs were completed. As funds became available, three or four cottages were recarpeted, or got new curtains or beds or furniture. Books were added to the school library. The pool was drained and repainted and the wooden floor in the gym was varnished.

When Changeover Day came the vast majority of campers stayed at Camp Homewood. Some, however, returned to campus. Some of the older boys returned for athletic training, especially football. Boys of all ages returned to campus if they were continuing home visits or being adopted, or simply returned to their natural families. Some boys did go to camp for only the second half, especially boys who were new to St. Luke’s. Still, those returning to to campus outnumbered the arrivals four to one. Matt remembered the second half of camp was more relaxed if only because the counselors weren’t so outnumbered.

“Do you need help telling him?” Bill asked

“Yeah,” Matt sighed. “But I really wish there was another way.”

“I do too, but I’ll be glad to help you when the time comes.”

Tim

Tim woke up in his bedroom. There it was again. The ache. Naturally, his male member was hard as it was every morning, but that wasn’t the cause of his ache. Nor were his bones or muscles the cause of his ache. It was Matt.

He must have been dreaming about Matt again, he thought as he stumbled to the bathroom. Tim didn’t think twice about his tented underwear, since he was the only occupant of the second floor. His brother and sisters were married and out of the house. His parent’s bedroom was on the first floor.

He stumbled back to bed. The glowing numerals on the clock read 6:43. Tim was so accustomed to getting up early he had a difficult time sleeping late on his days off. And so it was on this Monday of the Memorial Day weekend.

Tim was still semi-hard. He couldn’t get Matt out of his mind. Matt was proud, confident and secure. He knew what he wanted in life. And Matt liked himself. He didn’t seem to care what other people thought of him. Tim wanted these qualities and wanted Matt.

It didn’t hurt that Matt was so good looking. His dark hair was cut short in a masculine style. Tim loved the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled. Tim fantasized about his hairy chest, his big, thick fingers, his full lips.

Tim was positioned on his back. His fingers wrapped around his hardening penis. He began stroking in long, leisurely strokes. He wanted to make this last.

When fully erect, the tips of this thumb and middle finger couldn’t meet around the circumference of his cock. Tim pushed his white jockey shorts off and replayed the shower scene in his mind. That man knew how to kiss! He hadn’t ejaculated spontaneously like that since junior high.

Tim increased the rhythm. Any contact with Matt excited him, especially if Matt initiated it. He recalled holding Matt in bed Saturday night. That in itself was erotic. He closed his eyes tight, trying to recapture the feel of Matt’s hairy chest pressed against his back and Matt’s hands on his chest, and his fingers gently tweaking his nipples.

Tim quickened the pace even more, and felt the familiar lump in his groin.

Tim allowed his imagination to wander. They had not had anal sex yet, but Tim wanted to. His fantasies included being both the active and passive partner. Tim pictured Matt on his back with his ankles on Tim’s shoulders. Matt smiled at him and said, Please. I want to feel you in me......

“Ahh-ahhh-ahhhh! Yes!” The first stream of cum hit his navel.

He sighed, partially out of relief and partly out of frustration. He wiped himself off with the pair of underwear he had just been wearing. He grabbed a clean pair of underwear, poked his head out the bedroom door on the outside chance that one of his parents was upstairs, and scrambled to the bathroom naked to take a shower.

Tim had decided he was going to do whatever it took to get Matt. But Tim had formulated a plan. Matt himself had said that the first step was coming out. And Tim was going to do that. Today. Then, he would call Matt and get his approval. It would give him an excuse to go to Matt’s house.

Tim was not going to tell his mother. She was best described as high strung. A broken dish could set her off. Tim had decided to tell his dad. He would be home today because of Memorial Day. All Tim had to do was find the right time.


Patrick Dugan had started the coffeemaker earlier. He, too, had trouble sleeping later on his days off. It was a legacy of three decades in the construction business. His wife, Jeannie, was still asleep. She had had a few too many gin and tonics the night before and she would probably sleep for a few more hours. Their marriage had died long ago.

Patrick sat at the kitchen table in his boxer shorts and a tight white T-shirt contemplating his family. His oldest son, Kevin, also worked in the family business. He was married and had three children. Kevin had made his father proud in high school as a quarterback. There was even talk of college scholarships, until Kevin started failing in school and developed an alcohol problem. Cathy, the next oldest was also married and had two kids. She was a dental hygienist. Beth wasn’t married but had lived with the same man for six years. They had one kid. The guy she lived with, Jim, also worked for Dugan & Sons and was one of Patrick’s best employees. For this reason, Patrick didn’t pressure Beth to marry him. Also, unlike his wife, Patrick believed his kids should live their own lives, make their own mistakes and live with them.

But then there was his youngest, Tim. He was always such a good boy, always earning straight A’s in school, never getting into trouble. Tim had always been his favorite. Patrick defended him from Kevin’s bullying. Tim had grown into such a good looking young man. He had the Dugan dimples. He could charm the birds out of the trees. His nieces and nephews loved their Uncle Tim because he played with them. Tim roughhoused with the boys and played dolls with the girls. Tim was funny and silly with the kids, and they loved him for it.

But Patrick noticed that something was drastically wrong with him. The first sign was breaking up with Rosie. Tim had lived with her for a few months, then got engaged. Then all of a sudden, be broke up with her and moved back home.

Tim was making stupid mistakes at work, and had nearly fallen off some scaffolding when he and another worker were horsing around.

Tim entered the kitchen wearing denim shorts and a white tank top. He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat opposite his father.

“Morning,” Patrick said to his son.

“Morning.”

“We have to talk.” Tim was take aback. Maybe he knew already. His dad never made a request like that. “What’s your problem lately?”

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t been yourself. Making stupid mistakes at work. You and Ron almost fell off that scaffolding the other day. The last thing I need is a fucking lawsuit.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“And then there’s Rosie. I still don’t know why you broke up with her. Sweet girl. And pretty. She coulda made you happy.”

“There’s a pretty good reason.”

“What? What could be the reason you hurt her feelings so bad? Beth went over there and talked to her. She said Rosie cried for hours.” Patrick’s voice rose slightly. “What could be the reason you hurt her so bad?”

“I’m in love with someone else.”

“Who?” Patrick demanded.

“Matt Rosato.”

“You mean that faggot in Park Forest we did the townhome for?”

“The word is gay, dad.”

Patrick pointed his index finger at his son. “Don’t go gettin’ politically correct on me!” Patrick jumped up from his chair so suddenly, he almost knocked the chair over. He walked over to the kitchen window and looked out. The sun already lit their small yard. He could tell by the waving of the leaves and branches on the trees that it was windy.

An anxious moment passed. Patrick lowered his voice and addressed the window. “So you’re gay?” Patrick spoke the work as if it had quotes around it.

“Yeah.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“No.”

“Your mother, your sisters, your brother?”

“No. No one but Matt. And now you.”

“What about Rosie?”

“No, she doesn’t know.”

Patrick was starstruck. “You lived with her. How come she doesn’t know?”

“We never did it. She wouldn’t. She wanted to be a virgin when she got married. And I didn’t want to, either, so I didn’t push it. That’s one of the things she liked about me.”

Patrick absorbed this information in silence before responding. “But, you’re such a man. You’re one of the guys. I mean, look at you. You’re built like a brick shithouse. Nobody is ever gonna fuck with you.”

“I know, dad. That’s why I did it. So nobody could fuck with me. Including Kevin.”

Patrick shook his head slowly. He gathered his thoughts for a moment. Then he asked the question that parent have asked their gay children for eons. “How? Why? What did we do wrong?”

Tears started streaming down Tim’s face. He had promised himself he wasn’t going to cry, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Nothing, dad. You didn’t do anything wrong. There was nothing you could do.”

Patrick turned around and faced his son. “I always wondered about you. You hung out with the guys. You went drinking with us. You might have listened to the pussy jokes, but you never told them. All the girls wanted you. They called you, followed you around. But you just played it cool. You never went for football, but did track and weight training. I guess I knew. In the back of my mind, I knew. But I didn’t want to know.”

“I’m sorry, dad.”

“Sorry for what, son?”

Son. It was that little word, son, that broke the dam of Tim’s emotions. Until Patrick uttered that word, Tim was able to hold his emotions to a trickle. Now it all came out in a flood.

“Come here, boy.” Tim stood up and embraced his father. He couldn’t ever remember hugging his father as an adult. Tim sobbed on the older man’s shoulder while Patrick rubbed his back.

He whispered, “It’s OK, Timmy.” Tim hated to be called Timmy. But he let it go. Patrick held his son for a long minute, enjoying the feel of his son’s muscular body and the softness of his hair.

“Ewww, my shoulder’s all wet,” Patrick said as he backed away.

Tim laughed through his tears. It broke the mood and gave them both a graceful exit from their embrace. Patrick ripped off a paper towel and handed it to his son.

“Leave your mother to me. I’ll tell her. I can handle her. When you tell your sisters and Kevin is up to you. In fact, anyone else you tell is your business. So I won’t tell anyone but your mother.”

“Thanks, dad.” Patrick had surprised Tim. He was expecting revulsion, pity or anger from his father, but found acceptance instead.

Patrick put his hands on Tim’s shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “This guy, Matt, is he good to you?”

“Very good.”

“Do you love him?

“I love him with all my heart. More than Rosie.”

“Does he love you?”

“He says he doesn’t, but I think he does.”

“Why? He thinks he’s too good for you?”

“It’s not that. He came out of a bad relationship, and he’s not ready for another one. He says he wants to be single again.”

“That’s what they all say.”

Not sure what his father meant by this comment, Tim didn’t respond.

Patrick lowered his voice again. “You are being safe, aren’t you?”

Tim rolled his eyes. “Yes, dad.”

Patrick rubbed the stubble on his jaw. He had something else on his mind. Tim waited for him to speak again.

“You’re not the only one in this family with secrets, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I messed around when I was your age. I let a few guys suck my cock.”

Tim’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“And I sucked a few, too.”

Matt

It had been a very busy and full weekend for Matt. By the time he arrived home from work on Monday night, he was tired. He needed a weekend to recover from his weekend.

There were three messages on his machine from Tim, each was more frantic that the one before. Tim wanted to come over, because he had something important to tell Matt. Matt sighed. He just wanted an evening to kick back. But he returned Tim’s call nonetheless. He insisted on telling Matt his news in person.

Matt relented with the condition that he leave by 10 PM.


Tim’s dimples were clearly visible when Matt opened the front door. He stepped in, closed the door behind him, playfully pushed Matt to the wall, and positioned his arms on either side of Matt’s head with his palms flat on the wall.

“Why are you smiling like that?”

“You’re going to be so proud of me.”

“Why?” Matt couldn’t help smiling. “What did you do?”

“Kiss me, first.”

It was a long, passionate kiss. They allowed their tongues to explore each other’s mouth. Matt tingled all over.

Tim took Matt by the hand and led him to the couch. Still holding hands, they faced each other. “I told my dad,” Tim began, and then described the rest of the conversation.

Matt was as shocked at the ending as Tim was. “I’m so proud of you, Tim. Congratulations.”

Tim gently pushed Matt back on the couch and lay on top of him.

“I think this deserves another kiss.”

Matt loved the pressure of Tim’s body on top of him. He could feel Tim’s erection pressing against his thigh. They kissed again, even longer that the first.

Tim finally came up for air. He ran his fingers through Matt’s hair. “I love you, Matt. I did this for you.”

“You did it for yourself.”

“But I also did it for you, because I love you. I want you. I would do anything for you.” Tim lowered his voice to a whisper. “I love you with all my heart.”

Tears began running Matt’s cheeks. Some ended up on his ears, but Matt ignored them. Tim began kissing the tears on Matt’s cheeks.

“Tell me you love me, Matt,” Tim said in a low and sensuous voice. “I know you do. I want to hear you say it. Tell me you love me.”