AfterwardDecember 31, 1988106,994 cases of AIDS have been diagnosed in the United States; 62,101 are dead. December 31, 1999 (latest available as of this writing) 733,374 cases of AIDS have been diagnosed in the United States; 430,441are dead. June 2000412,471 Americans are estimated to be living with full-blown AIDS; and 650-900,000 altogether are infected with HIV. AIDS is the fifth leading cause of death among Americans aged 25 - 44, and the ninth leading cause of death among Americans aged 15 - 24 Worldwide, there are over 35 million infected with HIV and at least nineteen million who have died. I Am Not Paul Paul is the ideal me, of course, the me I might honestly strive to be. I have done some of the things Paul did. But I am much weaker, he is much wiser. While Paul sleeps with his troubled boy, chastely, I threw Will out of my bed, offended that he seemed to want sex from everyone I knew, but from me he wanted only affection, tenderness, care, safety. He saw the father in me when I did not. I did not see the compliment; I was not ready to take up that burden. Many have commented on the need for more Pauls. Many know such people are God’s angels, saving those they may, compelled by forces not understood by anyone including them, to make one more effort, one more sacrifice, heal one more soul. In that I am Paul. I have many sins to atone for, and a tiny, precious handful of lives I’ve made better. God will, I hope, not weigh the scale too finely, judge me too harshly. I pray that God understands how truly flawed his creatures are, and judges us not by our failures but by our efforts to be better. I did finally take up the burden. There was a ‘Will’ who was a real person, I knew him briefly. Will exists today, in many places, ages, forms. His pain is real. For those who profess ‘boy love,’ I accept there can be a higher reality, but this tale should be cautionary, this is what can be. Try Paul’s way. |